Day +62. My counts are continuing to trend downward with my neutrophils dipping into the danger zone. I got a shot of Neupogen to help boost those numbers today.
You know the old saying when it rains, it pours? Whelp, I think my garden’s been drowned out with all of this excess water. I get it, Life, I really do. I’ve gained an even greater appreciation for living, loving, and forgiveness. I’ve come to terms with the worst case scenario through all of this — death — and I’m okay with it. I’m draining my insurance company for almost every last penny they’re worth with all of this treatment. I. Get. It. Can we now buck up and get it together? Can we move out of the storm and into shelter? The moon is cute and romantic and all, but when is the sun going to come back out? (According to Annie, it’s tomorrow but I’m not sure if I believe her anymore).
This week has been one of emotional upheavals and intense processing and acceptance. Aside from dealing with the frustration, irritation, and annoyance from my graft rejection, I, again, have been disappointed by my family, specifically my parents, in a time of great need. Sparing you the complex details, though they wish me good health, they have expressed that they will not support me in the only way they can right now, unconditionally. The situation is saddening and discouraging, but given my current state it is better to surround myself with friends who will support and encourage me than to expose myself to negativity.
I am constantly overwhelmed with immense gratitude and humility for all of the wonderful, beautiful, loving human beings in my life, near and far. I seriously wouldn’t have the strength to get this far on this journey, dealing with all the crap I’m handling without each and every single one of you. ❤
Graham sent me a link to these beautifully designed and poignantly written cards for people to give to loved ones experiencing a health crisis when they don’t know what to say. Emily McDowell just launched a new line of Empathy Cards. See them below. I’m seriously loving them.
She’s a cancer survivor herself and has released a line of 8 cards. She plans on releasing more cards in the future. I want to contact her and submit card ideas.
Lastly, I’ve been indulging myself in a lot of pastry lately (obv). My most recent addiction: Mr. Holmes Bakehouse. They’re famous for their cruffin (croissant + muffin), which is seriously, seriously out of this world! They have a different unique filling each day with two specialty donut flavors as well. The picture below is their “Madhatter’s Tea Party Cruffin” (chocolate earl grey tea custard topped with meringue and chocolate pop rocks), with vanilla cream and chocolate peanut butter cream donuts in the background. This picture gave me a little Instagram fame, nbd. I’m seriously addicted. Plus, it’s a short walk from Ricky’s! 🙂