Day +34. The counts continue to steadily rise. Hemoglobin is 10.8 g/dL (!), platelets at 127 x10^9/L, neutrophils at a steady 0.99 x10^9/L, and lymphocytes at 1.59 x10^9/L. These are great numbers. These are happy numbers. I think I should be in the normal range for everything by the turn of the new year. 2016, come at me.
It’s December 1st. World AIDS Day, #GivingTuesday, and the day in 1955 when Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat to a white man (60 years ago! And we’re still dealing with blatant racism! And sexism!). Reflecting on these celebrations, these events has helped remind me that there is so much more going on in the world beyond the four walls of this mom-enforced-house-arrest apartment.
They remind me that there is so much hurt and pain and suffering in the world that are bigger than the hell of a year that I’ve been through. They remind me of all the work that is left to do, all the minds there are to inform and enlighten, all the hearts there are to touch and open, all the scientific progress there is left undone. They remind me, inspire me, charge me to look deep within myself (and, of course, during this time of convalescence) to see what it is that I can do to make this world just a little bit better.
It’s been a long time since I’ve thought of these things, 13 months to be exact. Right before everything started to get really serious with the aplastic anemia, I was on a speedy trajectory to “doing something” with myself, to making a difference. I had grand plans, big ideas, and a full heart ready to give as much as I could to a cause I really believed in. But life has a funny way of slowing you down, stopping you in your tracks, and making you readjust your plans.
So, as I sit here in bed letting my body rest and slowly rebuild itself, while my cognitive abilities are dusted off and are reawakened, while I try to stay warm in the frigid SF weather (it was a low of 47 today; that’s cold!), I begin to think about what this life, in it’s new and unexpectedly changed form, will be. As much as I wish I had the answers now like my 22 year old self did, I know better. I know, now, to wait. To be more patient, to be more kind, to be more forgiving both to myself and others. The right things will happen in their appropriate times. For each day is a victory, and each week is progress.