Day 39: #year27

Day +39. My counts are all about the same as last week. Discouraging? Slightly. Concerning? Not so much. The results from the chimerism tests came back, and I’m roughly 42% donor (meaning I’m still 58% Min), which is on the low side for this many days post-transplant. I should be around 50%. To help the new marrow grow more, they’ve lowered the daily dosage for one of the immunosuppresants I’ve been taking (CellCept) by a third and will redo the chimerism test late next week to see if it helps boost the presence of donor cells in my body. Worst case scenario: if my own cells over take the donor’s cells, I get a stem cell transplant from the same donor to help boost the number of donor cells. I knew I was healthy and robust, but geez body, calm it down! You need to let the donor cells take over and do their thing. Seriously.

Like I said last week, I’ve been gaining more and more energy which has been pretty great! I’m finding that I’m able to do more things I used to do, within reason. I still look forward to my afternoon naps, but they’re becoming more of a luxury than a necessity. My body aches and headaches have subsided quite a bit and my mind isn’t as foggy as it used to be. I’m really looking forward to being able to read books again! Finally.

Today’s my 27th birthday. I’ve officially entered my late-20s. While I’m celebrating my life, reminiscing all that’s happened so far, being grateful for where I’m at now, and looking forward to what will come, I can’t help but silently mourn the passing of my youth. I don’t mean to sound trite saying that I’m over the hill and passed my prime, because I plan to fully enjoy and thrive in my 30s. I mean to say that the period of life where foolish mistakes are more admissible has passed and I’m “supposed to know what I’m doing.”

To a degree, I can say that I do. I know waaay more about “adult things” like insurance, taxes, liabilities, and finances than I did five years ago. But I can’t honestly say I have a clear idea of what I want to do with the rest of my life. That’s not to say I don’t have any idea of what I want. I know that I want to get married, have a family, and eventually retire having lived a happy, fulfilled life surrounded by people I love and who love me. I know that I want the work I do, whether my career or hobbies, to have a positive impact on others. I know that I want to spread love and positivity, and foster inclusivity and acceptance wherever I go.

Huh. I take that back. I guess I do know what I want to do with my life, myb. For most of my 20s, I’ve obsessed about finding the “right” career or studying the “right” field to satisfy all of these things I want, when in reality I think the way to attain these goals comes from a way of living, of being, of existing. A way of treating people with respect, of not jumping to conclusions and passing snap judgements, of investing time in the people around you. Maybe my 20s have taught me a thing or two and I’m not as clueless as I thought…

I’m celebrating my birthday fairly low key this year. The day has restful and productive — chores and errands. Tonight, a few friends are coming over for bbq dinner and dessert from one of my favorite bakeries, Tartine! Pictures to come.

It’s truly a great day to be alive. Be well, friends. #year27


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